Are You the Difficult Colleague who Causes Workplace Stress?
I enjoy Heidi Klum’s Project Runway. The success of this show was a surprise to Heidi herself and you have to wonder what it is that captures audiences. Is it (a) the diva of design and modeling herself? Is it (b) the impressive credentials of the expert judges? Is it (c) the concept of undiscovered talent – small town gal makes good in the fashion world? Or, sorry to be a bit cynical, but is it (d) the bizarre comments, attitudes and behaviors of the contestants?
The answer is, of course, (d). We have become a community of armchair voyeurs peeking into the lives and behaviors of normal, everyday people. Wait – to be truthful I would have to say that it is a BIG stretch to describe some of the people on reality shows as normal, everyday people. I don’t want to do a personality appraisal but the behavior of many of the reality contestants, inflamed by producers’ desire for high ratings, are outlandish and often disgusting. But that is not the theme of this blog.
I was amused on a recent Project Runway episode to see the amount of attention paid to the attitude of one of the finalists. The episode had more to do with attitude than design. This designer had a serious ‘attitude’ problem and was attracting a lot of negative criticism – not for her design work but for her attitude. She was constantly critical of her peers; put them and their work down at every opportunity; did and said things that made them dislike her; and upset the judges.
One of the obvious characteristics of people who stand out from the workplace crowd for their hostile attitudes is a serious lack of self-awareness. They use a style of defense called external attribution. It is always someone else’s fault that things go wrong; someone else failed to pull their weight; someone else didn’t meet the deadlines’ someone else failed to tell her what was required and when. I’m sure you get the point.
Self-awareness is one element of emotional intelligence, the father of which was Dr Daniel Goleman. EI as it is called, and self-awareness, are two of the most important indicators of successful leadership in an organization. To be healthy, collaborative, and productive in the workplace, we need to be honest with ourselves. We need to objectively audit our strengths and weaknesses. We need to work hard to present a positive and cooperative approach to our colleagues. We need to be an effective contributor on the work team. We must be respectful and courteous of our colleagues.
What happens when you have a person who is unaware of the negativity they bring to the workplace? You have work to do or else this person will stress you out of your mind. You have to develop coping skills that mean that you do not get workplace stress. After all, why should this person cause you personal stress and upset? You have to accept that this is their problem, not yours; you need to maintain a professional and respectful approach to this individual. You need to find their particular strengths and give clear support to these strengths.
To deal effectively with personal stress and workplace stress you have to rise above yourself. You have to understand the problems the stress-causer is experiencing. You have to distance yourself from the person and the stress. You have to take a ‘so-what’ attitude and attend to your own business. The more you invest in the negative, stressful person, the more you will elevate your own stress levels and fail to get stress relief. Don’t be afraid to help them but don’t let them upset your good mood and turn your workplace into stress hell! Good luck!
Kind regards
Dr Jeff
for thte team at www.mightydigitaldownloads.com
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Dr Jeff, a psychologist, writes about workplace stress, personal stress, interpersonal stress, and how to manage stress. On his blog,http://www.drjeffbailey.com, he answers questions from readers. He works hard to make his articles practical and helpful and all of his articles are based on sound research evidence and extensive clinical experience. Please go to his Dr Jeff blog to get your free report on stress.
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Tags: manage stress, managing stress, reduce stress, relationship stress, relieve stress, stress at work, stress relief, work stress, workplace stress
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