Vacations Should Reduce Stress
Conversation between husband and wife: “It is time for a holiday darling. We must get away. All we do is work, work, work. I am stressed out and you seem tense all the time. Our relationship is suffering and there is almost no romance in our lives. It is time to go to Honolulu to recharge our batteries, reduce our stress, and get our life and relationship back on track. It is three years since we have had a decent holiday.”
Reply: “You know we don’t have time to do this. We don’t have enough money. We both have too much on our plates at work to stop and smell the roses. Our work is far too important at present. You know there is a big promotion coming up. I think our relationship is OK – it’s not like we are newlyweds. We’ve been married 12 years now – you can’t expect us to feel the same excitement. Besides, we both agreed work and our careers are very important right now. No, let’s wait another year.”
Three months later – Judge Jacobs: “Mr. and Mrs. Jones, in the matter of your joint application for a legal separation, I hereby grant and approve that legal status. As your attorney has advised, in the state of Colorado, six months from today’s filing, either party may seek a final dissolution of the marriage. In preparation for that possible filing, I advise you to amicably determine a property settlement and agree to thoughtful custody arrangements for your two children so their lives are not damaged by this divorce. Thank you. Court adjourned.”
OK so I am being melodramatic but there is a message there. One study I read demonstrated that a vacation did not moderate the effects of workplace stress and domestic stress. The vacation showed that people had fewer physical complaints post-vacation, and they ‘recuperated’ (recharged their physical and emotional batteries) but there was no long lasting positive effect. Getting away from your problems is not always a solution to these problems.
If work stress is high, deal with that stress. Re-arrange your job description. Say ‘NO’. Work smarter not harder or longer. Prioritize. In your personal relationship, do two things. Communicate clearly and effectively with your partner to reduce domestic stress. Explain, set priorities, re-ignite the passion. Secondly, look to yourself to see how healthy and complete you are. Your complaints about your partner might be concerns about yourself. Perhaps you need fixing. Perhaps you need to reshape your values. Perhaps you are too mean-spirited and self-focused. Remember, it takes two whole people to make a successful marriage partnership – not two halves.
Anyway, back to the vacation. If entered into with the right spirit, vacations can be marvelous stress buffers. I love vacations. I love the freedom. I like the frenzy of getting as much of my work finished as I can and then leaving all (most) of my work behind. I like spending time alone with my wife. I like the notion that I can lie in bed late or lie on the beach and do nothing. I like the lack of purpose and pressure. I enjoy recharging my Vitamin D levels. I pay back my sleep bank depleted by long hours of work (for details of the sleep bank see my Ezine article http://ezinearticles.com/?Job-Worries,-Sleeplessness,-and-Work-Stress&id=2004284).
I reconstruct my life goals – or do what Kubler-Ross called (in another context – death) a life review. For me, vacations are an opportunity to manage and reduce my stress levels dramatically. They should be for you. Don’t end up like the couple above because you fail to take time out to reduce stress and build your relationship. Stop, smell the roses and go online to find a vacation special. After all, haven’t you both worked hard and earned a restful break?
Warm regards
Dr Jeff
For the team at Mighty Digital Downloads
Dr Jeff, a psychologist, writes about workplace stress, personal stress, interpersonal stress, and how to manage stress. On his blog,http://www.drjeffbailey.com, he answers questions from readers. He works hard to make his articles practical and helpful and all of his articles are based on sound research evidence and extensive clinical experience. Please go to his Dr Jeff blog to get your free report on stress.
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